Apokryphunk

I have no definitive answer, but I thought that was a good post title.

Regardless of what my top level informant tells me, I have my suspicions regarding the existence of creatures called Bigfoot, Sasquatch, Skunk Ape, Yei, Almas, what-the-hell-ever. Many years have I swatted mosquitos and pinched loafs in the field looking for tracks, listening for wood knocks, and sniffing for putrid stinks, other than mine, that are said to accompany these beasts. I have found nothing. Nothing!

Photos from a bank of trail cams hidden in the wilderness surrounding my remote cabin have revealed nothing but the normal wildlife one would expect: deer, bear, bobcats, foxes, dogs, trespassers, people fucking, you name it.

I even have a selfie that a barn owl took while sitting on a branch near the camera. Scared the shit out of me when I looked at it! Those things are creepy looking. Cool as hell though.

Anyway, Bigfoot. Big ol’ Bigfoot. What is going on people?

It would be one thing if we could all just enjoy these mysterious stories, which is all they are, stories, without having to actually think there is something to go find!

But we fool ourselves. And you don’t have to be stupid to fool yourself, there are a great number of smart people in this world fooling themselves everyday, and not just about Bigfoot.

But to continue, let’s take for example, the late Grover Krantz. A smart man with an impressive scholarly track record, Grantz, at first a skeptic, eventually turned believer and outspoken advocate for the existence of Sasquatch. His theory was that sightings of these creatures could be credited to a small surviving population of Gigantopithecus blacki.

His turn from Bigfoot skeptic came through his examination of the “Cripple Foot” track casts made in Bossburg, Washington in November of 1969.

Actaully, let’s just say, “cast” in the singular form. The claim is made that Krantz, along with René Dahinden, examined all 1,089 tracks in the snow, yet there is only a reference to, and a cast of, one (1) alleged cripple foot. We don’t even get to see any pictures, not even two, of the other 1,089 purported tracks found.

It would also make sense to note that, in the book Sasquatch, by Don Hunter, with René Dahinden, it is mentioned that the tracks were found made in “soft soil.” Not in the snow. Maybe I’m missing something there. Maybe they were made in soft soil with snow on top.

You know what my first thought is when I look at that “cripple foot” track in the snow, seen in the photo above? It looks like somebody stumbled in the snow. I see a gloved left hand print and a boot heel. The two impressions did not have to be made at the same time. But that’s just my stupid observation.

Do you know what Krantz had to say about the possibility that someone hoaxed the cripple foot tracks?

From a John Yager, KXLY-TV interview with Grover Krantz, quoted by Michael Dennett in “Bigfoot Evidence: Are These Tracks Real?” Skeptical Inquirer 18, no. 5 (1994): 499-500, and referenced from Abominable Science!: Origins of the Yeti, Nessie, and Other Famous Cryptids, The Sasquatch, page 53… Krantz states,

with all the subtle hints of anatomy design, he had to be a real genius, an expert at anatomy, very inventive, an original thinker. He had to outclass me in those areas, and I don’t think anyone outclasses me in those areas, at least not since Leonardo da Vinci. So I say such a person is impossible, therefore the tracks are real.

Who the hell makes a comment like that? That’s a fucking odd thing to say.

Anyway, let’s get back to the original topic of smart people persisting to entertain the idea of Bigfoot as a real creature. I will stop using the term “believe.” With abundant evidence to the contrary, and a huge absence of real evidence — which, to be sure is not evidence of absence, as I have heard — why does it continue?

Dr. Jeffrey Meldrum is a smart guy, no doubt about it. The man is Full Professor of Anatomy and Anthropology and a Professor of the Department of Anthropology at Idaho State University. You don’t get there being dumb. I will emphasize, so save my ass… Dr. Jeffrey Meldrum is not dumb! So, why does he continue to assert that the existence of Bigfoot is a real possibility?

Dr. Meldrum, in his study of casts of alleged Sasquatch footprints, has become convinced that enough similarity is found between many track casts far and wide to warrant serious investigation into the possible reality of these creatures.

On one hand I kind of agree with him, but on the other I can’t help but think that maybe he, like so many other Bigfoot proponents, is conveniently ignoring some details that may suggest the contrary to that which is desired.

Granted I have not studied track casts in as much depth as Dr. Meldrum, but for years I wanted Bigfoot to be real. I poured over books, watched TV shows, documentaries, read stories of encounters, and went into the woods hoping for an encounter of my own. It never happened, and over time I began to see a common element to it all. Strip away all the “evidence” and look at what is really going on.

We watch the shows, read the stories, and are entertained by the mysteries. Bigfoot, the Loch Ness Monster, Dogmen (yes, Dogmen), UFOs, Alien conspiracies.

Finding Bigfoot, MonsterQuest, Mountain Monsters, The X-Files, Arthur C. Clarke’s Mysterious World, In Search Of…, all of the books, films, and shows; with all of the mysterious things they present, they all hint at only one reality…

People love a mystery.

I will leave you with that. Hang on… my phone is ringing…