Amityville Horror Ad Nauseum

James Brolin with axe, Amityville Horror

Still from The Amityville Horror. American International Pictures (AIP)

Holed up in an undisclosed location with my foot propped on a pillow after twisting my ankle chasing a Bigfoot off of my lawn, I cover surf Netflix TV Documentaries looking for maybe some UFO stuff, or other time-killing paranormal drivel that I may blog about. Instead I stumble upon two bowls of regurgitation on the Amityville Horror.

Margot KIdder boob shot - The Amityville HorrorTo be sure, The Amityville Horror — in it’s original form with kick ass James Brolin and cutes-as-shit Margot Kidder — is a classic movie! Freaked me out as a kid and I still like to watch now and then, even if it’s just to catch that scene where we see Margot’s booby. I love movies.

The prequel was kinda cool too, “…The Possession,” starring Rutanya Alda and Paulie, I mean Burt Young. Everything after that sucked, even the 2005 version. Mostly.

What I found today really sucked.

The Real Story: The Amityville Horror
This, an episode of the Smithsonian Channel’s “The Real Story” series, dredges up most of the same tired nonsense about the Amityville “haunting” but luckily also includes some testimony, which serves to debunk most of the tired nonsense.

Helpful is the interview with William Weber, Ron DeFeo’s defense attorney, who admits helping the Lutz’s concoct their story of a haunting at the hands of some evil, supernatural entity. Still, George Lutz defended his story until his his death in May of 2006.

You know, when I was a kid I read the book by Jay Ansen, watched the movie year or two later, got the crap scared out of me and had a good time, but even though the original printing of the novel claimed, “A True Story,” I never really thought any of it was real. I mean, come on! It’s fun to think that stuff and get a little spooked when you’re young, but at some point we have to admit to ourselves that the stuff is just entertainment and move on. Don’t we?

It’s sad that people actually go to their deathbed believing stuff like this; sadder yet that this guy knew it was hooey and went to his deathbed pretending.

So did Ed Warren. OMG, I can’t believe the Warrens take themselves seriously! Well, Lorraine now anyway. She has to be either a real clairvoyant, WHICH I DOUBT, or a real good bullshitter. Nah, she’s not that good, you can tell she’s full of shit. And maybe worse, she excels at bullshitting herself!

But even after all of it — the movies, documentaries, books, signings, lectures, public appearances — all of it quietly loading up her bank account, is she really going to say anything? Fuck no! She has to continue to delude herself or else someday someone who believed her baloney will find her and punch her in the face or something.

Anyway, it gets worse…

My Amityville HorrorMy Amityville Horror
Here is a boring documentary piece which regurgitates the same supernatural Amityville baloney but with a twist… it features amazing rock-star-like interviews with Daniel Lutz, stepson of George Lutz. Okay, they weren’t amazing, but this guy really thinks he’s something.

This documentary isn’t just boring, it’s really kind of sad. I was reading through reviews of My Amityville Horror on IMDB and was surprised to see so many positives like, “Engaging portrait…,” “Fascinating Case Study,” and then one that I finally agreed with, “88min of a guy making up stories for attention.”

Look, I won’t knock Daniel too badly, obviously the fellow has some demons on his shoulder and lived through some troubling stuff in his past. But what I witnessed watching this documentary is a guy who needs attention, and validation of some kind. As another reviewer stated at IMDB, “angry kid, turned angry adult.”

This poor guy has the wonderful displeasure of living a life post-Amityville-bullshit created by his dad. I’d really feel something for him if he just said, “You know what? It was all just bullshit. Nothing happened. My parents were in over their heads, couldn’t make the bills, my dad’s business was going down hill and they wanted out.”

Instead he perpetuates the bullshit and comes off as nothing more than a wannabe. The film fuels the wannabe aspect with snippets of Daniel playing his guitar and acting like some chain smoking tough guy in a Hollywood movie. It is, in a word, ridiculous. Oh, and Lorraine Warren is in this one too!!!

Daniel’s opening line of the trailer — there actually was a trailer for this thing — and this is verbatim, “I believe there is a such thing as evil and I was a victim of that,” maybe has more to do with his relationship with step-dad George Lutz than anything else.

Writer/Director Eric Walter seems just as full-of-self as Daniel, but hey, I’ll stop poking fun.

The stuff just didn’t work for me. It was rather pathetic, and I wish Daniel all the best moving on with his life now that he’s got some fame. Maybe he can move past his troubling childhood.

I’m probably going to hell for ripping shit on these people but hey, my ankle is feeling a little better, that’s good. Damn Bigfeet.

More to come from your’s truly, lone gunman of the apokryphunk.

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