I have no clue, but I thought that was a good post title.
Many years have I swatted mosquitoes and pinched loafs in the field looking for tracks, listening for wood knocks and sniffing for putrid stinks, other than mine, that are said to accompany these elusive man-beasts. Yet I have found nothing. Nothing!
Scientists have discovered four new craters in the Siberian Yamal Peninsula in northern Russia. The current theory is that methane gas is being released from the thick permafrost, which is melting due to global warming.
Ha! We all know that global warming is a joke, no one is going to make me give up my f*cking Bronco!
But back to the story… Read more
I do most of my work, and living, in a small cabin in the woods. That’s the way I like it. The atmosphere is relaxing, serene. No pesky neighbors spying on my, no dogs barking, no traffic noise, sirens or honking. I can do my paranormal research and debunking in peace and quiet. Read more
For best results read this post in the style of the late, great George Carlin.
You know what pisses me off? Well, what really pisses me off is that half of the Triscuits are broken in the box when you open it, but that’s not my issue right now. What almost really pisses me off is stupid people. Read more
I was napping in my comfy chair next to the fireplace, here in my secluded cabin somewhere in the dense wilderness of northwestern PA, and woke abruptly when my smartphone went “b-bloop” on the table beside me.
Glancing across the room I noted the time on my old wall clock, 10:45AM. It was the day after Christmas, and I had been sleeping in my chair all night. That Macallan 18 really worked a number on me. Querying my cell phone I saw that the actual time, according to my service provider, was 10:54AM. Need to correct the old clock, it has always run slow.
An informant had sent me a text message regarding a new Facebook post by Finding Bigfoot, and it was accompanied by the photo above, Cliff Barackman playing marching band concert toms in the woods. My contact works closely with high level officials in a clandestine government agency, and affords me much insight into top secret intel regarding our governments’ involvement with various paranormal and mysterious subject matter.
The message accompanying the photo read, “Get a load of this…”
Despite the multitude of questions and comments one might entertain regarding such an activity — performing drums in a remote wooded area in an effort to inspire communication with alleged, elusive, hairy, upright walking primates — the first one that popped into my head was, “why?”
Short answer? Who the fuck cares?!
Long answer? Dumb activities to increase TV show ratings because, let’s face it, everyone likes to watch a train wreck.
Fictional answer, devised by yours truly:
This is a good one, and I bet there are some people out there who will regard it as maybe not too far from plausible, even though I made it up.
Cliff’s drums are tuned to specific pitches and intervals in order to, when played in the right sequence, trigger the secret code on a hidden door to an underground base where robot Bigfeet are manufactured, stored and periodically released to walk around in the woods to scare people away from the clandestine government agency my covert contact is associated with.
Oh, and regardless of whether or not Bigfoot are real (and you’ll notice that I used the correct plural form), I’m sure the resounding concussion of concert toms through the woods scared the shit out of any creature, real or imagined, within range of the noise!
In the 1980s and 90s a bogus rumor circulated that the Proctor & Gamble logo was designed to indicate the company’s allegience to satan and that the acting CEO was a satanist who donated a large portion of his profits to the Church of Satan. If you slightly stretch your imagination devil horns and an inverted representation of the number of the beast (great song by Iron Maiden by the way), 666, can be found in the Proctor & Gamble moon man logo. But people can find whatever they want, wherever they look, if they look hard enough. The same exact rumor circulated about fashion designer Liz Claiborne.
These rumors were started by someone who was either a Christian fanatic, whack-job (typically one in the same), disgruntled employee or consumer, or just some dork who decided to have some fun and invent a stupid rumor. Maybe all of the above!
Rock bands weren’t immune to these bogus allegations either. If you’re old enough to remember the cool bands of the 70s and 80s you’ll recall it was rumored that Led Zeppelin, the Beetles and others used a technique called “backward masking” to send subliminal messages to fans via their records. RUSH was rumored to be an acronym for Ruling Under Satan’s Hand, KISS stood for Knights In Satan’s Service, and Black Sabbath was just blatantly satanic. C’mon, why bother hiding it!
Rock and roll is about rebellion. Most kids just get charged up and inspired then go about their day. I listened to this music, alleged by religious fanatics to have been designed to make me a satanist, or kill my parents, or whatever. Rest assured my Mom and Pop are alive and well, and all I did was become an atheist. Terry Watkins, et al., is an idiot.
So here we go again, this time with Monster energy drinks! Christian whack Christine Weick has concocted a satanic Monster Energy Drink conspiracy. Her most recent public appearance, when she ranted about Jesus during a Muslim prayer meeting, isn’t really that interesting, and not funny at all. It’s just stupid. The Monster Energy Drink Satan-worship-cult-conspiracy thing, on the other hand, is absolutely hysterical.
On November 9th a video hit youtube and quickly went viral. In the video Christine Weick, pictured left, accused Monster Beverage Corp. of being in league with ol’ Beelzebub.
She claimed, as you can see in the video above, that the Monster Energy Logo is made of of three characters that resemble the Hebrew Letter “Waw” (or “Vav”) which is the sixth letter of the Hebrew alphabet, and so, “Vav Vav Vav” must equal “666.” That’s makes some kind of elementary sense. Very pointless sense, but kind of. If your brain happens to work that way and you have entirely too much time on your hands.
According to Wikipedia.com “Waw” or “Vav” “literally means hook/peg/spear.” Okay I’m sold. If that’s not clearly a letter satan would choose for his clandestine evil plan what is?
Now let’s take a look at how Weick’s claims are complete nonsense. I present Exhibit A—the only exhibit required for our purposes really—the Monster Logo and the Hebrew Letter “Waw” or “Vav” …
Take a close look and carefully study the two images. Compare each of the vertical parts of the Monster Energy logo on the left to the “Vav” character on the right. It should take, oh, maybe three seconds. I’ll wait… Got it? Okay, let’s continue.
As you should notice, the only similarity between these characters is… Holy crap they do look the same! But before I go believing that Monster Energy is trying to push satanism on an unsuspecting public I will grab “Occam’s Razor” from my tool belt of logic and slice and dice.
When you slash away all of the malarkey it stands to reason, really and truly plain ol’ common sense, that the creative minds behind the Monster Energy Drink logo were just looking for a cool design to represent their product. No satanic connection required. But nothing can ever be that basic with a fringe mind. There must always be a great conspiracy.
Christine Weick and other fringe religious fanatics make connections where there are no connections and come up with idiotic ideas they feel the need to push onto others.
That should be enough about that. Don’t even get me started with “Unleash the Beast”…
The Church of Satan is a legit thing by the way, and as religious freedom goes, they have every right to be.