Sasquatch Speaks – A Review

This film is disturbing to watch, and I think that is due to the sheer level of delusion presented. Look, believe what you want, we all have zany ideas, but this kind of stuff typically doesn’t survive an elementary education. To see grown people sitting around talking about telepathic communication with Bigfoot, the healing powers of Sasquatch, and higher love frequencies being the secret to connecting with the “forest people”, as if they have been bestowed with some special arcane knowledge that supersedes any academic or scientific knowledge simply weirds me out. It’s creepy.

I haven’t been so unsettled watching a Bigfoot documentary since Not Your Typical Bigfoot Movie when some guy posited the theory of Bigfoot levitating to avoid leaving footprints. The rest of that documentary, though strange, had a human element that at least made some kind of an impact; you felt some empathy for the two main guys. Sasquatch Speaks contains no redeeming qualities. It is more a documentation of delusional belief, psychosis, and who shouldn’t do shrooms, than it is a documentary about Sasquatch. And there are two more in the series!

Sasquatch Speaks brings us interviews with such memorable, self-appointed shamans, healers and elders as Kewaunee Lapseritis, “Reverend” White Otter (or did she say Reverend Dwight Otter?), Otter’s spouse Su Walker, Sunbow TrueBrother and others. These folks sit there and tell us about Sasquatch being interdimensional and at times see-through, with the ability to heal and comfort people. Sounds like Jesus.

Spiritual and religious beliefs tend to get blended with all of this paranormal and cryptozoological stuff. UFOs and space aliens take the place of guardian angels; mysterious, elusive monsters in the woods become ancient wisemen who can pass between dimensions. For some reason these hairy creatures who stink like skunks and armpits are higher level spiritual beings. So much for the splendid Nordic aliens replete in their flowing robes and blond hair.

Weird gets weirder. Or maybe the weird stays the same. It just gets recycled decade after decade, fastening itself to whatever it can to help people feel connected to something bigger than they are. It fulfills a need. A need to belong, a longing for purpose, and a need to understand.

It’s still weird though. There is this thing called science, and bash it as spiritualists may, it works on facts and evidence. To pretend there is some supernatural or spiritual realm one could fathom that knowledgable scientists can’t, is delusional. Some say you can’t approach religion through science because they can not be reconciled, but in reality the only way to approach religion is through science because then we come to the truth. You can’t know something you can’t know, period.

This film, and I use the term loosely, is disturbing. It’s also poorly produced. The cartoon intro sets the stage perfectly: it’s a childish endeavor. I do not want to see another movie like this ever again, so will not be viewing the subsequent parts.

Why Smart Guys think Bigfoot is Real

I have no clue, but I thought that was a good post title.

Many years have I swatted mosquitoes and pinched loafs in the field looking for tracks, listening for wood knocks and sniffing for putrid stinks, other than mine, that are said to accompany these elusive man-beasts. Yet I have found nothing. Nothing!
Continue reading “Why Smart Guys think Bigfoot is Real”

Drumming for Bigfoot

Cliff Barackman drumming in the woods to find Bigfoot
I was napping in my comfy chair next to the fireplace, here in my secluded cabin somewhere in the dense wilderness of northwestern PA, and woke abruptly when my smartphone went “b-bloop” on the table beside me.

Glancing across the room I noted the time on my old wall clock, 10:45AM. It was the day after Christmas, and I had been sleeping in my chair all night. That Macallan 18 really worked a number on me. Querying my cell phone I saw that the actual time, according to my service provider, was 10:54AM. Need to correct the old clock, it has always run slow.

An informant had sent me a text message regarding a new Facebook post by Finding Bigfoot, and it was accompanied by the photo above, Cliff Barackman playing marching band concert toms in the woods. My contact works closely with high level officials in a clandestine government agency, and affords me much insight into top secret intel regarding our governments’ involvement with various paranormal and mysterious subject matter.

The message accompanying the photo read, “Get a load of this…”

Despite the multitude of questions and comments one might entertain regarding such an activity — performing drums in a remote wooded area in an effort to inspire communication with alleged, elusive, hairy, upright walking primates — the first one that popped into my head was, “why?”

Short answer? Who the fuck cares?!

Long answer? Dumb activities to increase TV show ratings because, let’s face it, everyone likes to watch a train wreck.

Fictional answer, devised by yours truly:
This is a good one, and I bet there are some people out there who will regard it as maybe not too far from plausible, even though I made it up.

Cliff’s drums are tuned to specific pitches and intervals in order to, when played in the right sequence, trigger the secret code on a hidden door to an underground base where robot Bigfeet are manufactured, stored and periodically released to walk around in the woods to scare people away from the clandestine government agency my covert contact is associated with.

Bigfoot Beast from Scooby DooThe agency expected that Scooby and the gang would inevitably show up at some point to uncover their mischievous deeds. Turned out to be Bobo and the boys of Finding Bigfoot.

Oh, and regardless of whether or not Bigfoot are real (and you’ll notice that I used the correct plural form), I’m sure the resounding concussion of concert toms through the woods scared the shit out of any creature, real or imagined, within range of the noise!